Now that man has moved on from the cave, and central heating has waned against the so-called ‘three dog nights’ (a night so cold you need three dogs in bed with you to stay warm), there seems to be little physical justification for sharing a bed. And yet about 40 percent of dog owners today are in the habit. People who do it report increased bonding and lower cortisol rates, which sounds positive, but I have to say I see increased neurosis and potential nuisance. Living in the countryside, the odds are high that something unspeakable has turned on my terrier and my lurcher is hosting a tick. Needless to say, I don’t even put it on my pillow.
Somehow, people often seem to lose their ability to pick up on social cues when they become dog owners. Visit a friend’s house and you’ll quickly fall into their domestic patterns. Bring the dog along and the quiet rule below falls by the wayside as quickly as the garden is filled with “gifts”.
Our love for our own dogs has gone beyond the point of indulgence and turned to antisociality: ‘Love me, love my dog’ is beginning to sound like a warning. At a recent lunch party, which featured no less than eight extra dogs in my garden, my husband finally lost his cool. Dogs were everywhere, fighting for food under the table, pressing their noses into unsuspecting laps, begging, stealing, drooling. A few hours later, a particularly fast and bony lurcher entered the back of his leg, prompting numbness and an attempted kick. He’s still in the doghouse.
So please, for the sake of our friendship and family relationships, let’s retrain our dog manners. Let’s stop assuming that dogs are invited to everything. Let’s remember that, like other people’s children, other people’s dogs are far less lovable than our own. I don’t want your dog to lick me on the face, even if he is happy to see me. If your dog tends to jump on new people, perhaps you should put him on a lead during your introductions. Recently, I was with some dear friends whose big Labradoodle decided to join our group hug. He was impressed with his attempt to ‘conga’ with me. I was bothered by the dryness later on.
Oh and a final word of warning: if your dog has never seen a free range bird, chances are they will chase it and possibly kill it. Such was the fate of my brother-in-law’s dear Hans. Now that was an awkward family lunch.
